Sleep, Perchance To Dream

The sucky thing about not sleeping well and depression is not that the sucky sleep makes the depression worse...it's that when you DO finally get good sleep, all of the dreams that you didn't have come at you times ten.

Which would be great if they were just that....dreams. But in my case, they are nightmares, and of the worst kind. I get the nightmares that are based in realityand truth...in fact they are incredibly realistic in character and tone...but with just enough unreality and lies to make me lash out in my sleep and suffer long after I've awakened. When I get a "good night's sleep", all of the issues in my life...the big, thorny issues that I don't have the time or mind to deal with all at once...come roaring into mind as those types of nightmares.

Last night was horrible. I'm typing this the morning after, with the lights on and TV going. The lights and TV are an attempt to shock myself into reality; to clear my head of the lies. From past experience I know this will work to some extent, but for the rest of the morning...or the day, given the multilayered, multi-issued nature of the dream I had...I will experience all of the emotions spawned from those nightmares. Hence the sucky nature of sleep, not sleeping and depression.