the in between

I wasn't going to watch it, but I thought, 'what the hell', and clicked on the link to watch the trailer for The Lovely Bones and now I'm overcome with the familiar feeling of my inside straining to go up and out to wherever the place these beautiful images are really real.



These are only fragments of what I saw and they are taken out of context...



...but even without the music, the words and in their proper place...

...they still pull my heart so hard that I can feel my chest stretching apart to let it out.

How do they do this?

How do they create these fragments that make me homesick for someplace I've never been?  That doesn't exist?

Before I fell into this I'd been telling my significant other that I had a case of the Sunday Night Blues because I couldn't think of any other way to explain what I was feeling.  He told me of how his brother, when he fell sick with the same affliction, would feel better after going out to the movies.

I don't think the same cure would work for me.

this is only a test

I am trying yet another Blackberry-based client blogging app in hopes that a) it will work and ultimately b) mobile blogging capability will allow me to post more often. This one uses a proxy to funnel info through, so while it may work, I'm not sure if I can trust it.

that's exactly it

"If you could be the plain old Willow or super Willow...who would you be?"
-Willow, "Wrecked"

I've seen this episode numerous times but this is the first time I really, really heard this scene...mostly because the first time I saw the episode I hated it with a fierce and angry hatred. Seeing it again in sequence with the rest of season five, and the seasons prior, helped, but only slightly. Basically hatred turned into tolerance; I'd watch it when it came up in the TNT Buffy repeat-a-thon but I'd usually be doing something else at the same time, not really paying attention.

I was doing something else at the same time today as well; my usual weekend activity of slogging through the endless pages of documentation I'll need to read in preparation for a grueling exam. Which made Willow's line, about plain and super Willow, stand out in sharp relief. If I had an option between trodding through all of the endlessly repeating tasks and chores, negotiations and diplomacy that seems to make up life at the moment, I'd opt for being super too.

Too bad that's not even an option at the moment.

Back to the books...

drowned, dead things

Not that I presume that anyone is reading this, but for those who are it should be obvious by now that I'm a big commentary buff. Which means that, to keep my supply of commentary fresh (and by "fresh" I mean "whatever I haven't heard in a month or more") I purchase DVDs pretty regularly.

Lately I've been going through the Buffy The Vampire Slayer series, in no particular order, which means I started going though Season Six last week. For those reading who aren't familiar with the Buffyverse, Season Six is commonly known as the dark season; Buffy's friends bring her back to life by tearing her heaven, mistakenly thinking that they're rescuing her from a hell dimension of unbearable torment and she, along with everyone around her, suffer for it for the entire season.

And therein lies the problem.

If I wanted to explain, really explain, to someone what depression feels like...if I wanted to give someone who has never experienced depression the knowledge of what it feels like to live with it...I would sit them down in front of the TV, hand them the boxed set of Season Six and the remote, tell them to press play and watch Buffy in every single episode. From "Once More With Feeling" to "Dead Things", it is the single best depiction of what it's like to live with the grinding, relentless, unending hell that is depression.

Especially, especially "Dead Things"

Unfortunately this means that watching it for the commentary is extremely hard. More so when my medication du jour is winding down. The bleak parts of each episode, which make up about 50% of the total, have a way of seeping into my limbs.

addendum: top movie/tv commentaries

Because I'm listening to one I forgot to include right now:

Ocean's Eleven: The cast commentary track with Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Andy Garcia. Mood of commentary: Relaxed, casual...a group of guys hanging out while watching sports kind of vibe. Highlights: Matt Damon's imitation of Jerry Weintraub...Brad Pitt's "Ladies and gentleman...