No Fancy Shmancy Title For This One...

I don't post much when I'm experiencing near-continual depression, which I have lately...hence the lack of posts. The medicine isn't kicking in like it usually does; it's almost noon until I feel close to normal, and the normality starts to fade around the usual time (4 to 6pm) so I'm spending most of the day depressed. It's similar to when the days get shorter in the winter, only worse because it's in addition to the days getting shorter in the winter...which is a depression catalyst for me anyway.

I'm not entirely sure what has caused the change, but I have a pretty strong hunch. I'm well into the luteal phase of my cycle which is prime time for PMDD for those who are subsceptible. Oddly enough, the meds that I am taking are supposed to contraindict this, but between the change in birth control, and the shortened winter days, it's entirely possible that they aren't able to help much.

On a tangential note: My husband is in the habit of sending me pictures of animals throughout the day to cheer me up. It usually works, but the other day he sent this:




...which provides a perfect illustration in the difference between the way a depressed mind and a normal mind works. I opened this picture in my email and the first fragments of thought that came to mind were, 'poor dog...looks so lost...bet he's wondering how he got here...bet he's afraid and hungry and just wants to be someplace safe...I wonder if he's okay now....could have gotten blown up since the picture was taken...'

Whereas my husband's thinking went something like this: "Cool! Maybe the dog is the division mascot or something...I bet he's pointing out dangerous areas for the soldiers....'Be careful of that alley over there...it's got bad people in it', he's probably thinking....bet he gets lots of treats..."

Somewhere in the accumulated cruft of research on depression I've been doing on and off I remember reading something about how the limbic system can be set a certain way during childhood depending on the tenor of formative experiences; I vaguely remember it being a biochemical sort of thing. The aforementioned would be a semi-perfect** test case for that theory.

Off to muck about at work....and look up that picture and find out (hopefully) exactly what was going on with that dog


**Only semi-perfect because my husband had more than one experience in his minor years that, if the limbic system theory was correct, would skew his biochemistry towards the depressive side. Then again, he's not borderline obsessive compulsive, nor does he have the control issues or compulsive need to know know the way I do.