The anxiety, medication drop-off, nightmares, and the overall sense of being off-center, are getting worse, seemingly in direct proportion to how soon I will go from the North side to South1, renting to owning2, selling my jewelry at one store to two3.
These are all good developments. Beneficial things will happen to me as a result. Yet my brain...my neurochemistry responds as though these changes are threats. In response to those percieved threats, my thoughts move towards ways to control everything and anything, by attempting to think through, plot out every possible situation and a plan to respond. Which, of course, is impossible...and the impossibility sends my thought patterns into wilder and wilder convolutions and tighter and tighter knots, leading further and further down the depression path.
There has to be a way to reprogram this reaction. Not chemical...my brain seems to wear this stuff down. There has to be a way.
1I'm in the process of moving because
2we just purchased a condo.
3I made jewelry to help with depression. Apparently people want to buy it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment