Do I Dare Disturb The Universe?

It is steadily becoming clear to me that either I find a treatment for this depression that actually works or I need to find a new mode of employment...one that involves little to no stress. Which, given the input I've received from some aquaintences, may be close to impossible due to the foul nature of economy and corporations these days.

I'm still doing the 54, 54, 20 (that's two 54mg Concerta tablets, one 18mg of the same and one 20mg Ritalin tablet for those of you just joining the narrative flow) dosing all at the same 6am time. I've started to take the two 150 Effexors at the same time as well.

To this I've added the following:

• one omega-3 capsule

• one zinc tablet

• one multivitamin, formulated for active adults

• 2 tablets of milk thistle

• 2 tablets of triple ginseng

The fish oil and zinc are for depression, and the milk thistle for good liver function, or so says British Vogue. I forget what the ginseng is for, but right now none of it seems to be working. I can't believe I feel this way and no one sees. There should be a gaping wound somewhere, preferablely of the chest-sucking variety for me to be in this much pain.

Back to the salt mines. I don't know how I'm going to make it through...I have no more tricks up my sleeve.