I wonder sometimes, while shifting from one chemical cocktail to another, if I'm simply trying to medicate away a universal human condition.
Meaning: maybe everyone else feels an elevator dropping feeling at the sudden, unexpected glimpse of the endless days until they pass.
Meaning: maybe everyone else feels an electric shock of panic in the middle of an enjoyable moment...knowing that moment will inevitably pass and the grim reality of living will return.
Meaning: maybe everyone feels a quiet panic whenever the realization that truly happy moments in life are only obtained by muscular effort and the only lasting peace comes with death.
Or at the realization, in the middle of a calm, peaceful interlude, that that interlude is only momentary and inevitably life and it's grinding pace must start up again.
Are these collective human experiences that I somehow need to learn to suck up and swallow? Maybe I'm having such problems with finding a combination of drugs that suit because what I'm experiencing was never meant to be medicated away. I don't know.
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