The Hand Of God

is something I remember reading about somewhere in the Old Testament area. The idea, horribly paraphrased from my none-to-accurate memory was that if you were going in a direction opposite to God's will, he would put his hand down upon you, presumably to stop you. It was implied that all manner of things would go wrong in your life as a result....the idea being you would, after seeing your life completely wrecked, return to God with a renewed understanding and appreciation for his omniscence, grace and love

If there is any truth in this, then God's hand and foot are upon me and not just upon me but repeatedly stomping and smacking and pounding. Only I am not having the predicated response; instead of feeling the desire to turn back to God, I find myself sinking deeper into depression and despair with each almighty blow. Every part of me feels heavy and bruised and my brain has shut down to the most basic functioning in order to buffer the agony. I can barely find my way to standing, much less back to Him, if He is still there. I am increasingly having my doubts as to that matter.