Insanity

I've figured out why I constantly feel as though I'm on the edge of
losing my sanity. Instead of being locked in an psych ward with 24-7
psychiatric drug monitoring, I'm working in an understaffed,
overloaded department at backbreaking projects with few resources and
punishing deadlines.

And trying to pass for normal at the same time. Which means that a
minimum of 45% of my energy and brainpower goes towards covering my
craving for indefinite oblivion while the reserves are eaten up by
figuring out how to achieve the impossible out of string, paperclips
and spit. As the impossible grows, the mental stockpiles shrink until
I find myself in a situation similar to this afternoon: driving in
deadlocked traffic in crappy weather to pound a server back into
working with tears involuntarily pouring down my face.

Completely unable to stop them.

Needless to say, my shrinker will definitely be hearing from me this weekend.