Sea Change, Among Other Things

Had another appointment with my head shrinker Thursday...during which he asked questions, took notes and fiddled with my Concerta doses. Three is proving to be too much; I find myself to be just a little too furious when crazy events happen at work...which is always...a little too brittle mentally. Two is too little, so the happy medium for now is to gradually add 18s to the 54s one at a time (Concerta comes in 18, 36 and 54mg parcels) plus a half tablet of 20mg Ritalin to cover the lag time it takes for the Concerta to kick in.

So how is this all working? Well...this is the first day of the 54, 54, 18, 10 combo and while the morning and mid-late afternoon was actually filled with something resembling enthusiasm, around five or six or something I came across the makeshift cage for our singularly unique hedgehog Calvin who passed away last year in the most excruciatingly drawn out way possible. And that led to the couch, where I cried for a bit, then the bathroom where I came across an O article on loneliness and connecting which led to the realization of how utterly baffling it is for me to know how to initiate the most rudimentary of connections, let alone an entire friendship...which led to this post and Prairie Home Companion which I just reached over and dialed down because Garrison was talking about a lady who had the nerve to have a filthy bathroom. Which reminded my of my filthy bathroom and the lack of time I have to clean it.

In short, I think I'm going to have to bump up the 18s. I'll give it a day or two and account for the grief factor over Calvin, but I'm betting on the additional 18.


EDIT: I was looking for the elegy I posted when Calvin died. I couldn't find it, but came across this one about our saga with Stewart (also a hedgehog). The way I feel now after skimming it, I kinda wish I hadn't.