Random Thoughts

In no particular order, with no definable relation to each other.

• I am not a crazy. I am a person of reasonable intelligence whose biochemistry is just more than a little off. I know about neurotransmitters and synapses and the synaptic cleft and the amines that are purported to influence depression. I know tryptophan is an essential amino acid and that 'essential' means that the body cannot manufacture it and that this particular amino acid is a precursor to serotonin, which is one of those neurotransmitters said to influence depression.
  
  I taught myself about computers; what processors are, what they do, how they interact with the motherboard, what the motherboard is and how it coordinates interactions between different components. I taught myself VBScript and wrote numerous scripts to automate tasks that previously would have taken hours. So I am NOT CRAZY.
  

• There has got to be a way to de-stigmatize the more obvious behaviors of and more radical treatments surrounding depression. Make it parallel to physical illnesses of similar magnitude. People know what to do when they hear, ?She's in the hospital for cancer.? They do not for ?She's in the hospital for ECT.? The former is more likely to be announced for prayer at church or emailed around at work to gather efforts for flowers, visits or meals. The latter isn't mentioned at church...except for in whispers...and I've been advised to, under no circumstances, divulge any information about either the nature of my illness or the type of treatments without getting signed papers from doctors and consulting with an EAP therapist specializing in these matters.
  
  Which basically rubs the ingrained idea that I should be ashamed about this further into my head.
  

• Does a support group exist for spouses or partners of individuals suffering from depression? If so, I need to find one for my husband, and yesterday.
  

• One of the many infuriating things about this is the inability to prep your significant other about major upcoming changes in your emotional landscape. I'm not talking chart level detail here, but a general sense of what to expect. A 'head's-up' call in case of sudden mood fluctuations would help, but what if you forget...or just don't think to? Or if you're going with the flow and know that deviating from that subconscious navigator, even for a cell phone call, even if you have the number on speed dial, would throw everything off and you on to the slippery slope down.
  

• Seriously consider moving to a place with substantially more sun. More sun and no snow at all, period.